Monday, February 27, 2012


isn't that what we're looking for?
isn't that what everyone wants?

at one time i thought he was my permanent one.  holding hands and deep hazel eyes and waiting when i was sitting in a hospital bed getting a needle put in my arm to test my blood.  love pumping from my heart, turning the tv to a different channel when it hurt to laugh.
was i that wrong?  why did i waver?  what changed?
my writing back then was loopy and full and happy, racing across the pages.  

how did it change?

now i look at dark brown eyes, and instead of letting myself drown i hold back.  you waver when i don't look at you as i tie in.  is my hesitance going to cause us to fall too?

i want something permanent.  something to hold me to the ground.  i don't trust love quite yet.  it cut the string to my kite once, and i'm scared of floating away again.  crashing to the ground.  tangled and the colors fading from red to pink to white.

maybe i really don't know what i want.

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